Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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