I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
