i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
