I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
