She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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