fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
