what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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