Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you would pick up someone in the library
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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