As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
