she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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