I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
