no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
