accomplished twins. life is a go
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
