Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
