I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
