It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
