i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
