Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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