The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
