You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
