My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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