So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
