He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
