Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
