Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
