Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
