She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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