We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
