...so i touched it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
