ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
