well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
