my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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