you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
