Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
