I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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