It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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