I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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