Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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