I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
