I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
