I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
