Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
