She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
