the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
