I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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