i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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