Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
