I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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