So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
