why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
