We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
